I’m Dedicating Pride Month to my Awesome 94-year-old Mother in Law.

This Pride Month of 2023 is dedicated to my Mother-in-Law, a staunch ally to The Rainbow Community when she died at 94 in late May 2023.

Along with being a mother and stepmother of seven, a grandmother of fourteen, and a great-grandmother of nineteen humans, Lainie was my wife’s beloved step-Mum and my adored Mother-in-Law. She was an ally to our community, and she was our champion.  

Lainie welcomed my wife as her daughter just over 40 years ago and welcomed me as her daughter-in-law just over five years ago when I married Rhonda. But there is a backstory to our marriage that involves Lainie. Let me explain.

Same-sex marriage was legislated into reality in Australia in late 2017. So, because our relationship was finally legally legitimate, we decided in December 2017 to get married. We got engaged on 12^th December. At about the same time, we discovered that Lainie was facing terminal cancer. She had elected not to have treatment as she’d endured chemotherapy and radiation twice.

We desperately wanted Lainie to be a part of us getting married as she was a big part of our lives.Whether taking early morning “proper” coffees into her nursing home, playing(and getting badly beaten by her!) at Scrabble, or going out for ‘posh’ Sunday lunches, she was part of our everyday life. We could not imagine an important event like our marriage, not including her.

So, Rhonda asked Lainie if she would consider having treatment so she could be at our wedding.  We knew this was a big ask and would respect her choice. But, if she said she couldn’t face it, we told her we would come and get married in her room, then and there!

Lainie met us halfway and agreed to have a half-strength course of chemotherapy to get her to the wedding; then, she was ready to let go. The treatment wasn’t as rugged as before, but it still knocked her about. But she became determined to beat cancer for the third time and be at the wedding. And she did! Our day was complete to see her in front of us as we said our vows, and to see the smile and pride on her face.

Also, as it turns out, she beat cancer and survived another five years!

During those subsequent five years, Lainie’s advocacy for us grew stronger and stronger. She would have great pleasure in telling her friends about her daughter and wife … in fact, she used to call me “wifey”, and it was common to hear her yell out across the nursing home “, Here come’s wifey!” when I visited. I loved it!

She loved us and our relationship and never relegated us to ‘just good friends’ when she introduced us to her friends, carers, or medical staff. I felt proud of us and secure because she so openly championed our relationship. She, and her friends, proved to me that it’s easy, and a bit lazy, to assume that older people are not supporters of people from The Rainbow Community.  

So, this Pride Month,I am proud of the allies of all ages who stand with us and make us feel seen, heard and included, especially our ally and our champion Lainie.

Seeya Lainie, I miss you already.

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